The shiver hits me
There’s no rush of giggles
There’s a rush of heartbeats
It does not feel so sweet
Tunnel vision, so delirious
Maybe on a drug, this is the high I want
I don’t want this high
Not in a schoolroom
They’re watching
They’re judging
I’m crying
They’re smiling
Crying and crying
Screaming and collapsing
Internal agony
I am not me, I cannot stop
Dear friends
What would I do without you?
I am dragged to safety
I can breathe bravely
Breathe and they will leave
How simple an action
Yet hard a task
So much to ask
I’ll sleep it off
It will come back tomorrow
Start as a gasp and a cough
I’ve had enough
Five long years of this
Far too many more
Every day, working scares me
Writing worries me
Singing horrifies me
The future terrifies me
The dark is unspeakable
I am so afraid
Yet I am braver than you will ever be
Yet I am fearless