ANX

The shiver hits me

There’s no rush of giggles

There’s a rush of heartbeats

It does not feel so sweet

 

Tunnel vision, so delirious

Maybe on a drug, this is the high I want

I don’t want this high

Not in a schoolroom

 

They’re watching

They’re judging

I’m crying

They’re smiling

 

Crying and crying

Screaming and collapsing

Internal agony

I am not me, I cannot stop

 

Dear friends

What would I do without you?

I am dragged to safety

I can breathe bravely

 

Breathe and they will leave

How simple an action

Yet hard a task

So much to ask

 

I’ll sleep it off

It will come back tomorrow

Start as a gasp and a cough

I’ve had enough

 

Five long years of this

Far too many more

Every day, working scares me

Writing worries me

 

Singing horrifies me

The future terrifies me

The dark is unspeakable

I am so afraid

 

Yet I am braver than you will ever be

Yet I am fearless